Is minding one’s own business that difficult?
All hell broke loose on the very first day of my internship at a renowned TV channel. Emergency was declared in the office and everybody huddled together to form a counter strategy. The office had been bombarded, bombarded with news and the only casualties were famous tennis star and his wife who were most likely getting divorced. This was such an important news that next day’s show had to be revamped to make space for a new topic; divorce among young couples with a special focus on divorced celebrity couples.
Jokes were passed on divorce, speculations were made to analyze the cause of divorce of this famous couple and the air was filled with anticipation that this show would generate high TRPs. Aghast as I was, I noticed that it was not only the media but also ordinary people who couldn’t help pass a judgment or two, choosing sides enthusiastically. The show was a perceived hit because the masses truly wanted to gain more insight into an issue which was supposedly a personal affair.
Fast forward a few weeks and there were chaos everywhere yet again. Fret not as the matter was not related to national security or domestic terrorism but rather concerned with personal choices of three individuals who unfortunately happened to work for showbiz.
That day, when I logged on to Facebook, I encountered a few shocked statuses enquiring why TV actress Naveen Waqar, both young and pretty, had decided to marry someone like Azfar Ali, also an actor. Still unable to fathom this commotion, I asked my friend if Azfar was a bad guy (a criminal).
People were outraged comprehending that he had indeed committed a crime by ending his 11 years old sacred commitment to marry another girl. How dare he! What did Naveen see in Azfar? Why did Azfar leave Salma his former wife? Never mind the mental disclaimer that this whole divorce/marriage episode was based on several opinionated comments, assumptions and nothing concrete. If only, things had ended after two days of grief but people had taken this news way harder than I thought.
Celebrity couples anywhere are bound to gain certain amount of attention, no doubt. What surprised me was the fact that somehow this newly married couple had managed to deeply hurt the sentiments of people who are not even remotely related to them. It was one thing to react to the news but entirely another to wish them ill or attack their personal lives by awarding curses and bad-duas like this married couple will never see a day of happiness.
The clear example of this absurdity is a special Facebook page with around 500 likes dedicated to getting justice for his former wife Salma against the injustices committed by Azfar, probably inspired by a page ‘justice for Sialkot brothers’. Excuse me for asking this but did she demand justice?
Fans cannot help relating Naveen’s bad girl/home breaker character in a famous drama Humsafar to a real life scenario. In addition to that, being the second wife, the blame automatically falls on her. One can easily come across tailored photos in support of this very wise argument.
The same heartbroken fans are going to inexcusable lengths like using a photo of Azfar and Salma’s daughter to lure people towards the noble cause of hating Azfar. One photo reads: “Thousands of sleepless nights are waiting for me, what was my fault dad?”
Given the opportunity, even Salma is most likely to thrash the person who came up with the idea of dragging in her child this way without her permission.
The real issue is not this divorce or the surrounding theories but our constant need to discuss anyone and everyone. We go beyond being considerate for other people in a healthy manner and obsess about their private lives heartily. Someone rightly said advice is the only commodity on the market where the supply always exceeds the demand. If we hear about any marriage which is on the verge of breaking up, we speculate about it as if our life depends on it. In short, our society at large suffers from a serious case of phaphay kutni syndrome which entails behaving like a bunch of old busybodies who have nothing better to do than uselessly obsessing over private affairs of other people.
If you feel the urge to converse, focus on global warming, poverty, education, foreign policy and other related issues. If not, then discuss whether the world is really coming to an end on December 21, 2012. Divorce and marriage are decisions that are highly personal. The day someone needs your consent, advice or help in one of these matters, they will notify you, but till then, pay heed to Ann Lander’s free advice: “make someone happy today, mind your own business!”
The writer is currently doing masters in Mass Communication and tweets @samantariq88
Very well said, Sanam. I wonder, in a world torn between Dr. Arsalan's case and President's $60 million parked in some Swiss account, what really is the spark that has lit the fire of minding everyone else's business but our own?
May I suggest that, given our talk-show addicted nation, we in the media are to blame more than the rest.
You raise important points here Saman and I enjoyed reading your piece.
Divorce and marriage are no less important issues than global warming, poverty, and education both in terms of their implications for and their relevance within the society. That said, I agree with the issue at hand. There is a clear difference between personal matters of individuals and social issues in general and the line between them needs to be drawn by both, the producers of popular media and its consumers. Unfortunately such acts stem from the lack of social responsibility that we exercise at all levels; as individuals, as institutions and as a society. Unless we can be a responsible nation, such behaviors I’m afraid will remain common.
good article but hard to read :'( No spacing makes it tough to take a break while reading it.
Rest no matter what the topic is , we as nation feel that its our obligation to give our feedback on it. Especially if it comes to someone else personal life we become moral police 😉 Besides people mentality electronic and paper media plays its vital role as well by choosing such headlines and pictures which forces one to take one glance at such topics. We all need to grow up 😉
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