12 easy steps to becoming a secret agent

1 Master Slight Of Hand
In the bad old days, the CIA experimented with LSD and other mind-altering drugs as a way to get informants to talk. The agency has a complete manual on how to use slight of hand to slip a pill, powder, or liquid into someone’s drink.
2 Plant A Bug
The same slight of hand needed to pick a pocket is simply reversed when planting a bug. Subtlety is the key to a successful plant.
3 Pick Pockets
Despite what Jason Bourne may have you thinking, spies pick pockets for information, not monetary gains. A successful pick involves both subtlety and distraction.
4 Figure Out ‘The Dead Drop’
Before the days of email, spies would communicate through dead drops-leaving hidden information for someone to pick up later.
5 Hide Info in Roadkill
A secret agent would insert a waterproof packet of information inside the chest cavity of a pungent piece of road kill and then drop it out of moving vehicle.
6 Master Tailing
Following someone without being noticed helps a spy learn about his subject’s daily routine or secret destination. To shake a tail, take a lesson from ‘The Godfather’ and make a sudden move-whipping your car over the median in a high speed U-turn usually does the trick.
7 Road Ready
Secret agents must be able to drive a variety of vehicles on both the right and left sides of the road. When on foot and chasing someone in a car, secret agents should be able to instantly flag down a cab and say “follow that car” in a commanding voice.
9 Become A Computer Expert
10 Crack Codes
11 Figure Out Spy Jargon
Spying has a specialist language all of its own. Do you know the difference between SIGINT and HUMINT? Who is “Control?” Would you know what a brush pass or a black bag job is and are you familiar with window dressing and walk-ins? Whether you’re trying to snare the rezident with a honeypot or set a canary trap to find a mole, there’s a lot of language to learn.
12 Keep Quiet
They’re not known as secret agents for nothing. If you like bragging about your achievements or posting constant status updates on Facebook, this probably isn’t the profession for you.