Naulakha

Mixed plate for the week

What do you do when have nine leftover meals in the fridge. You could, of course, decide not to cook that day and have the naulakha instead. The dilemma then is that some dishes are not very enjoyable anymore, while some are in such small supply that they leave you wanting for more. But that is the price you pay for being too lethargic to cook.

1. One of the dishes of today’s naulakha is the axing of Maya Khan. The social network buffs are very happy. They are celebrating Maya Khan’s departure, considering themselves responsible for her spectacular fall from grace. They will probably have to be disappointed though, as she will definitely get a more lucrative job now: in Pakistani media, the prize for notoriety is success.

2. If you are inclined to call US-Taliban contacts ‘peace talks’, be warned that the Taliban are having none of it. In addition, according to Orya Maqbool Jaan’s article dated October 10, 2011 the Taliban are talking about ‘veto’ powers. I have only one word to say on this: SubhanAllah.

3. Recently, the outrage against politics of dynasties has amplified on the part of the flag bearers of morality in the media. In a country where the establishment’s modus operandi for curtailing politician’s role consists of bribing, rigging, and occasionally killing, you make parties go through internal elections and the losing faction will split after every election, as Asghar Khan found out. As far as the PPP, MQM, and PML(N) are concerned however, party “elections” can be held without harm though; in fact the party members will get a free dinner or two while the ceremonious thing takes place. As far as the result is concerned, who do you think will win the N election?

4. On to the cricket field where we are performing quite well these days: Pakistanis are certainly not the only Muslims playing cricket. Why then do we never see anybody else performing a humble sajda smack in the middle of the pitch? Hashim Amla, I understand, is a staunch, practicing Muslim. His cricket board deducts heavily from his remuneration because he doesn’t sport the sponsor’s beer logo. He has refused to play in the IPL because of the cheerleaders etc. He performs regular prayers but not once has anybody seen him doing so in the ground for the benefit of the general public. On the other hand, while our cricketers would do anything to be a part of IPL, if they play against India in India they make sure that they offer their prayers in the ground in front of the cameras. Actions, words, anybody?

5. We are being assured that strict transparency will be maintained in the upcoming auction for 3G, 4G and LTE licenses. A question that arises is, why the auction now when the service won’t be operational before March 2013. Well, who knows who is going to be in power by next year to enjoy the kickbacks! Also, some foreign exchange won’t hurt considering the $900 million deficit in our budget this year. But what will we be doing next year? Oh I forget; we don’t need to think of next year. Imran says he will take care of everything.

6. An Iranian actress has recently been barred from returning home after posing nude in a French magazine. A lot of people want similar action taken against Veena. Being ‘bold’ is one thing (Meera was able to avoid the repercussions back home after that indiscretion), but if you pose with an ISI tattoo on your arm, you cannot be forgiven. Veena asked for it.

7. Recently, a lawyer told me that people who are clamouring that the immunity that the president enjoys is un-Islamic, pointing to Hazrat Umar’s era by way of evidence, should also know that it was the khalifa who used to appoint the qazi, whereas judges appoint judges as per Pakistani constitution. Also, the qazi ceased to be a qazi if he got as much as a smudge against his name, whereas according to our law nobody has the authority to question a judge except a judicial commission made by and of – you guessed it – judges.

8. Religious parties are out to save the country again. Not many days after the news broke that the Sunni Tehreek received money from the US State Department, they were reportedly contemplating joining the PTI. Now we hear that they have launched their very own political party. Of course, they can always make a natural alliance with the PTI. Both have the same agenda; neither has any policy.

9. Jamaat-e-Islami threatens to lay siege to the Parliament House on Feb 3 should the NATO supply be restored. Somebody remind JI that we have had at least three undefended drone attacks after the army chief suspended chain of command regarding violation of air space. Munawwar saab, the GHQ is in Aabpaara!

The writer is a member of the band Beygairat Brigade