Buy Tom Cruise’s pool water


An eBay seller is offering a jar of pool water that has apparently touched the holy hides of the Cruise family. You can buy Tom Cruise’s pool water which will come in a jar, helpfully labelled ‘Tom Water’. To be fair, apparently there’s some Katie Holmes in there as well, as the sample was taken from a Miami Beach pool where Tom, Katie and their daughter Suri swam. The seller will even include a print of this blessed event as proof of authenticity.
Why one would ever want a jar of dirty pool water with faint essence of Tom Cruise is best left for therapists and higher-level officials of Scientology to discuss, but the seller has included some suggestions: “Tom Cruise water can be used in rituals, potions, or perfumes. It can be dabbed behind the ears or on the wrists for good luck.
You can place some of it around the hearth of your home or baptize your baby with it.” Baptize your baby with it! That’s right! Slather your baby’s head in chlorinated people stew! This can’t be real. This isn’t real, right? Actually, it’s $130 worth of real, according to the latest bid. Unfortunately there is no ‘Buy It Now’ option.
Now if you will excuse us, we need to go douse ourselves in Tom Cruise water and wait for the apocalypse.


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