Nazma Bibi, 45, is a housemaid and she has been doing this job now for several years—since her marriage with Mehboob—when she was only 12. At the end of almost every month, she is left with no money to run the household and her misery does not end here because she is often subjected to violence by her husband. Nazma’s is not only the case since most of the working women from the so-called lower stratum of our society share the same fate. Nazma is the mother of seven—two sons and five daughters and now when her daughters have grownup, three of them do the same job to earn bread and butter for their family.
“My husband beats me up whenever he is angry either with me or with anyone else, I am sick of this environment but I cannot do anything when I have to take care of 7 children. I just cannot leave them alone to die of hunger,” Nazma said, choking back her tears.
She said another reason for her “tolerating” her husband’s highhandedness was that her marriage was based on the tribal custom of exchanging brides between two families called Watta Satta. “I cannot leave Mehboob since his sister is my brother’s wife and this can affect that family as well,” she cited the reason for her decision to stay unhappily married. She said her eldest daughter was only 14 and she had to send her to work as a housemaid in Islamabad where the girl boarded with her employers.
She said the uncle of the girl tried to sexually abuse her so she could no longer keep her daughters at home. The trend of violence against women is increasing manifold in the country as according to a report by Actionaid, around 4,448 women were subjected to violence from January to June in the current year, compared to 4,061 cases reported during the same period last year. Out of these unfortunate incidents, 1,137 women were abducted; 799 women were murdered and 382 were killed in the name of ‘honour killing’; 396 women were raped; 402 women committed suicide; 22 women became victims of acid attacks, 57 women sexually assaulted, 356 were subjected to domestic violence, 16 women were the target of stove burning and 881 cases involved violence of miscellaneous nature.
In our society, the societal attitudes and norms, as well as cultural practices of exchange marriages and dowry etc, play a vital role in women’s mental and physical wellbeing.
The religious and ethnic conflicts along with the dehumanising attitudes towards women, the extended family system and the role of in-laws in the daily life of women can be various stimuli for stress and suffering faced by women. Such practices in our society have created the extreme marginalisation of women in numerous spheres of life, which has had an adverse psychological impact upon them.
The violence against women has become one of the acceptable means whereby men exercise their culturally constructed right to control and dominate women. A United Nations research study has found that 50 percent of the women in Pakistan are physically battered and 90 percent are mentally and verbally abused by their men. A study by Women’s Division on “Battered Housewives in Pakistan” reveals that domestic violence takes place in approximately 80% of the households. More recently the Human Rights Commission report states that 400 cases of domestic violence are reported each year and almost half of the victims in these cases die.
A woman’s response to abuse is often limited by the options available to her. Women constantly cite as reasons to remain in abusive relationship such as fear of retribution, lack of other means of economic support, concern for their children, emotional dependence, lack of support from their family and friends and the abiding hope that the husband might change one day. On the other hand divorce is considered a taboo and the fear of a social stigma prevents women from reaching out for help as 70 percent of abused women have never told anyone about the abuse. According to a well-known psychiatrist, the psychological consequences of abuse are severer than its physical effects as the experience of abuse erodes women’s self-esteem and puts them at a greater risk for a number of mental disorders such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, suicide, and alcohol and drug abuse. Children especially girls who witness marital violence face increased risk for emotional and behavioral problems, including anxiety, depression, poor school performance, low self-esteem, nightmares and disobedience.
These girls become severely depressed and sometimes totally refuse to get married. Children under 12 have learning, emotional and behavioural problems almost 6-7 times more compared to children of non-abusive parents. A 5-year survey at the University Psychiatry Department in Karachi (Agha Khan University/Hospital) showed that out of 212 patients receiving psychotherapy, 65 percent were women whereas 72 percent were married. The ‘distressed women’ were aged 20-45 and most of them had a bachelor’s degree and had been married for 4-25 years with 2-3 kids. A majority of them worked outside home (running small business, teaching or unpaid charitable community work or involved in voluntary work). Their symptoms were palpitations, headaches, choking feelings, sinking heart, hearing weakness and numb feet. A study of Para-suicide in Pakistan shows that most of the subjects were young adults’ age 27-29 years. The sample showed predominance of females 185 compared to males 129, and the proportion of married women was 33 percent which was higher than males as 18 percent. Housewives with 55 percent and students with 32 percent represented the two largest groups among females.
Majority of women suffer in silence
