Sound and fury

King Leonidas of the 300 Spartans couldn’t have delivered it with more sound and fury. That this tirade was in time for the 9 O Clock bulletins of all major news channels was only the icing on top of an already sullied upside-down cake. Listening to Zulfileaks, as he is now affectionate known among the Facebook community, it was obvious that he was on a mission. Like a man possessed, he spewed hellfire and brimstone from every available orifice and came down on Big-Brother-in-Exile like a woman scorned. With one hand on the Holy Book and the other pointing squarely at Meister Altaf, Zulfiqar Mirza categorically spilt the beans on the most powerful Pakistani outside of Pakistan.

Or did he? How do we know this isn’t part of a massive smear campaign against the MQM, coming so hot as it does on the heels of other outrageous allegations levelled against the absentee chief of Karachi’s most powerful political entity. Also, one may be tempted to ask why – if indeed Zulfileaks are to be believed – did the self-righteous Mirza wait until his darkest hour to reveal all of this explosive information. Forgive me for being a cynic, but all of this seems a little too orchestrated.

Although my above claim scarcely needs authentication – after all, its just one man voicing an opinion and asking questions – I have a feeling that this particular piece will force the MQM to demand a ban on my entry into the province (Karachi, not the old one) and will eventually lead to a stand off where large shipping containers will be placed along Shahrah-e-Faisal to prevent the heretic (that would be me) from getting to the safe haven that is Clifton. A similar fate, I’m afraid, may well await Zulfiqar Mirza too.

But what worries me most is not the outrage of Altaf Hussain’s minions, but rather the sly smirk on Rehman Malik’s face as he dismissed as so much hot air the passionate speech by the ex-home and ex-senior minister of the Sindh cabinet. Apples and bananas aside, this seemingly unperturbed attitude is highly uncharacteristic of Raymond Malik, who is given to stuttering during his own outbursts (most of which are directed against the media or the wives and girlfriends of those who perished in the battlefields of Karachi). Confused? Allow me to gesticulate.

You see, ever since the dawn of time, there have been two men who have stuck by each other through thick and thin. Both have pursued every possible manly pursuit together, both have defended the other’s life, honour and property with their own. I refer not to Kane and Abel, but the most able El Jefe Zardari and his trusted lieutenant, the Nawab of Zulfiqar. To assume, even for one second, that anyone can drive a wedge between these two blood brothers would be to assume that swine can fly and humans can breathe in a predominantly Sulphur-based eco-system. So why, you may ask, does the relationship between the two mates appear to be “on the rocks” (pun intended)?

To answer this question, one must pore over the historical context of the conflict in Karachi. Turf wars, as they are referred to in cities such as New York, Chicago, Moscow and Huddersfield, are a messy business indeed. Collateral damage is the order of the day and no holds (or ammunition) are barred. Deception is also a prime tenet of such wars, which are fought on the battlefield of the hearts and minds of ordinary people. Being two-faced is considered an asset in politics and a necessity in organized crime. Which of the two aforementioned categories this particular turf war falls into is anybody’s guess. What is infinitely clear and mighty obvious to me is that there is a game afoot.

Whether the purpose of that game is to divide and conquer or exterminate once and for all is another question I nor my crystal ball can answer. And even if I could, do you really think I’d want to? After all, my picture is right there to the left and I can be picked out of a crowd more easily than a bull in a china shop.

But enough misplaced idioms. It is painfully clear that things in Karachi are going to get a lot worse before they get any better. As is usually the case whenever the new kid on the block tries to muscle in on the old guard’s turf, things are going to get messy-er. Ere long, I suspect, funeral homes will be the most thriving business in this city of lights and the first casualty of this long-drawn battle will be the truth. Is Lyari really as clean as Mirza would have you believe? Obviously not. Is Azizabad the abode of saints? Apparently not. Does Altaf Hussain really want the country divided? Who knows? And are the people of Karachi ready for what’s to come? I sure hope so. Stock up on supplies, my friends, this is going to be the winter of our discontent.