Pakistan Today

White Lies

London?

Yes, London. You know, fish, chips, cup o’ tea. Bad food, worse weather. Mary ****in’ Poppins. London!

– Snatch (2000)

Word is out that the prime minister is to take a leisurely week or two off to London to attend his son’s graduation ceremony.

In comes Punjab premier Shahbaz Sharif from London after a meeting with the DFID.

Merry Old London is the destination of choice for many politicians because it’s so foreign and so desi at the same time. Nothing can compare to it, can it then?

A favourite place for political accords as well, London and that other haunt for the Pakistani political elite, Dubai.

Whereas having all other political negotiations in London is absolutely unnecessary, there’s no avoiding the city when it comes to courting the MQM. Its chief is, after all, one of the city’s most famous inhabitants.

For the citizens of a poor country that moves from one crisis to the next, it is difficult to understand why the politicians spend so much time in London. The whole attitude reinforces the stereotype spread around by the military about the politicians.

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Ah, the pleasures of seeing the powerful squirm. Bring up the mudfest of last December to current BFFs PML(N) and the MQM, and it is with a shy tone that they spout out the tried and tested adage of there being no permanent friends or enemies in politics.

More interesting, still, was the fact that those leading the salvo of smut from the MQM side, Haider Abbas Rizvi and Waseem Akhtar, were seeing hobnobbing with their PML(N) counterparts in their negotiations.

Other leaders that go into exile write books and educate themselves whereas the Sharifs had done nothing but get hair implants, Akhtar had claimed back in December when he wanted to illustrate the difference between the League’s airhead leadership and Altaf Hussain, who is presumably not only a Booker Award winner but also a professor of the classics at Cambridge.

And this was just about the cleanest bit of Akhtar’s diatribe.

How do you like them apples, sector commanders?

The League, however, had the good sense of making Mr Bean, who lead the charge from their other side, conspicuously absent.

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