“There is no shortcut to hard work.” How many times have we heard that? It has been engrained in our brains since childhood, when we saw our fathers returning day after day after hard day’s work in our school years, when we cram in book after book to get top accolades. We move on in life with the same aspirations, ‘I will work hard and get to the top, my superiors will adorn me, my friends will look up to me – money will shower from the heavens into my lap, mothers all over Pakistan will line up to get their daughters married to me.’ . The reality, however, is a swift kick where it hurts.
Whilst we sit in our lonely cubicles, working through lunch, staying in till 9pm only to take our papers with us for some light reading before bed (face it, what else are you going to take home to bed) we find ourselves overlooked for promotions. What’s a bigger surprise is that our team leader now is the same duffer in school who could barely pass the ninth grade.
To put a stop on my rant and to get on with the point (seriously it’s worth the wait), everyone with a pen/keyboard/email address can become a writer. Hell, with six English dailies in Pakistan (two of which will take anyone whose willing to write- I wont tell you the names but they are the newest ones – one of them is all colour, the other one shares a name with a popular detergent – seriously if you still don’t get it , maybe you shouldn’t be worried about the future of your career and should worry about your future in general – maybe donate your brain to science – get some use out of it) you can even write gibberish and still get it printed. Which brings us here (to the point) – anyone with half a brain and the ability to work smart has the ability to rise to the top – provided he is shown the way.
So the question is, do you want to be invited to the bosses dinners (seriously not as boring as you think – take your superiors out of the office, give them a couple of drinks and see how every conversation turns into vulgar talk). Have drinks with the team and get promoted (new Altis or Reborn sir?) Or do you want to work hard, see your hair thin, pants fade and continue reading self help books in your cubicle (I’d tell you your wife will run off, your kids will resent you but that’s too gory for my taste).
So, my fellow chums, assuming that the answer is yes (for those who said no, I bid you a happy future! With hard work I’m sure you’ll get promoted to senior assistant manager one day) I bring to you (on news print nonetheless) a weekly rant of wisdom I’ve gained not only from my vast experience and success but from the misfortunes and mistakes of my co-workers (most of whom have been promoted to senior assistant manager.)
So ladies, (not that I expect women to gain anything from this much. Women get promoted because they are – women. Look it’s a long topic – I could write a book on this but this paper has no guts and it would censor half of what I’d write – not to mention the grief I’d get by bored –to-death-by-their-husbands women activists) and gentlemen, I bring to you “office dynamics”.
Choosing this week’s lesson was the easiest task, the most important thing one should learn is how to “get your boss and his immediate boss to like you.” Look, I said like, not need. Face it all our bosses are duffers who need us to do everything for them. We know it and they probably even know it and all of us, with the exception of a certain few (white socks with black shoes, wear pleated office pants and loafer s to the beach – you know the type) don’t like our bosses (I, at our discussions in his office, wanted to punch my bosses nose in. I fixed this problem by going to my happy place – really simple – just nod and think about what you will smoke when you get home whilst you drown out his cynical comments. The man now thinks I am more attentive) but what we have got to realise is that no matter what a duffer our boss is – he is at a place where we want to be and if he likes us he can help us get to the top.
The first thing is to always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your whim to impress them or the cute brand manager across the conference table don’t go so far as to do the opposite – raise fear and insecurity. How do you do this, by doing the most obvious thing in the book – flatter them –maybe not in that obvious manner. (Think Najam Sethi and the Sharifs not Mushahid Hussain and the Chaudhrys). Make them feel superior by acting naïve , asking questions to answers you already know – getting his guidance and hence his approval. Attribute your creative ideas to him (my boss used to say “I was just about to say that” every time I said something creative – now I just start off with the idea being his) and overall learn to interpret his mood and timings.
Listen, the key isn’t to bend to his will and loose all backbone – its to learn which battles to pick – loose a couple of battles and win the war. The key is rising to the top and if gaining your bosses trust and favour means having to rub him right –do it. You will probably be running the show in any case.
The writer is a very successful businessman who has worked in the top multinationals of the world. He is a firm believer of working smart over working hard and is an office wolf!