Up until the mid-19th century, when it was at the peak of its superpowerdom-ness, Britain could only boast a handful of universities at best. To be fair, the hallowed halls of Oxford and Cambridge had been open to clergymen, lute-players and other eccentrics since the 12th and 13th centuries. However, it was only after the mid-19th century that people there realised that university education was the way to go. Before higher education became fashionable, well-to-do families would send their sons off to work in the navy to loot, plunder and colonise the world as they saw fit; while their sisters sat at home, waiting for the day an eligible bandit with an army of Nigerian slaves and tobacco plantations in West Virginia would come and ride off with her into the sunset. These girls, like the average Pakistani woman, didnt get out much. With the advent of universities, these privateers began taking up more stay-at-home subjects, such as Greek tragedy and sociology. This gave them a strong sense of irony as well as the warm and fuzzy feeling known today as intellectual superiority, or the white mans burden.
This burden was tiresome indeed. After all, bringing civilisation to the uncouth natives of Africa, South America, and even India, was no easy task. In fact, the Brits were so perplexed by the mystical beauty of the subcontinent that they decided to stay for over two centuries in an attempt to understand what it is that makes the orient oriental. But before they left us to our own devices, the masters left behind a few devices of their own to help us better cope with our future. One of these devices was the education system; another was a dense network of railway tracks leading to and from all points of monetary interest a money train. But thanks to ministers (read overlords) such as Sheikh Rashid and Javed Ashraf Qazi, both education and railways are today the least developed sectors in the public realm.
How did we get here? Money train.
You see, back when I was still a student and the big bad wolf was still running the country under the banner of enlightened moderation and what not, a body known as the Higher Education Commission was formed to deal with the many problems being faced by public-sector universities. That this commission was merely the Christian name of the heathen University Grants Commission is immaterial; what is important to remember is that Kaiser Wilhelm Musharraf XVI, in the year 2004, did convene a convention of students from all over the country. This was the first time in the history of the country that so many talented and negatively-charged particles were gathered together under one roof. Since this was a time when PTV was still the most widely watched channel in the country, not many people saw it. But the Students Convention of 2004 and all its subsequent incarnations had a very important impact on the way our country was run, right up until the time it was cancelled.
The important thing to remember is that for the Sun King Musharraf, intellectual stimulation still meant a good old fashioned brawl, or a Texas-style quick draw. The 2004 and 2005 conventions provided just such an opportunity, and both years saw brave young men and women from all walks of life standing on the Convention Centre floor and challenging the very basis of the Kaisers reign. In the year of emergencies and references, i.e. 2007, a certain youth channel took to airing a video of a certain Kakakhel who lambasted Herr Musharraf before a capacity crowd and received a standing ovation. This viral video was, in fact, from the 2005 Students Convention, an event made possible by the HEC.
The same HEC that was put to death by the 18th Amendment. The same amendment voted in by all, I repeat, all major political parties. During its deliberations, Raza Spin Doctor Rabbanis committee saw loud accusations, walkouts and indignant protests on matter of rechristening the NWFP. However, when it came time to hand the portfolio of education to the provinces, all the voices of dissent fell silent. It was as if the word foresight wasnt in our parliamentarians dictionaries. Or maybe they didnt know how to use one, what with their degrees being fake and all.
The irony here is that nearly everybody was rooting for education to be handed to the provinces, but no one remembered that the HEC was also a part of the whole package. Now that theyve got their wish, the naysayers are up in arms and on the streets, protesting the unjust victimisation of an otherwise law-abiding, upstanding and degree-verifying institution. All of this would never have happened if the decision-makers were college-educated to begin with… or would it?
