LAHORE – Raja Amjad’s eyes grow moist as he talks about his baby girl whom he has not seen for months now. “My daughter is just two and a half years old,” he says. “She will forget me…” his voice strays off because he cannot go on, the pain he suffers from fluctuating in his eyes. Raja Amjad is not the only parent who is distraught by the conditions that his divorce has led to. Not only did he have to suffer the consequences of a family break-up, his only child was ‘snatched’ away from him by the court and his ex wife was given her custody. Nothing wrong with that except that Ajmad is not allowed to meet his daughter under any circumstances, except for two hours once a month and that too within the court premises.
Every Saturday, at Liberty Roundabout, Raja Amjad and other parents who are facing similar circumstances gather to protest peacefully only holding placards and lighting candles which symbolize their flames of hope for seeing their children again. Heart rending words inscribed on placards and banners are held up by these parents, urging the public passing by to feel their pain. ‘My hugs are waiting for my children,’ says one. ‘Do our children deserve only two hours a month from us?’ questions another? In fact there is so much pain among these parents, most of whom are fathers, that there is little anger that can take place in the protest. Tariq Nawaz, who is one of the victims of the Guardian and Ward Act in Pakistan, says that the laws are outdated and unfair.
“Whenever there is a divorce or separation case that involves child custody, the courts grant temporary custody of the child to one of the parents,” he says. “But this interim custody of the child can continue for several years, during which the child is deprived of meeting the other parent.” According to the law, the parent that does not have interim custody of the child is usually allowed to meet his or her own children for only two hours each month, and only in court. Even then the prospect becomes impossible under most circumstances, especially when the parent in possession of the child is unwilling to come to court. It usually results in a fake medical certificate being sent to court postponing the meeting for next month, says one father. Other methods are also used to deter the child from meeting with his parent.
“During this whole time, the other parent is being maligned in front of the child,” says the father. “This is unethical and wrong. The child is not only traumatized by being made to feel that his or her other parent is a ‘bad person’, but besides all that, the child goes without the love and affection of that parent.” The meeting place is nothing but a small, narrow gallery in court, with only a few benches. Children are brought here with the result that many of them have to sit outside with their interim custodians in the heat of the sun, with no proper place to sit.
It is not only unsafe (especially with regard to cases where the child may be under threat with subject to kidnapping); this kind of court appearance is also emotionally traumatizing for the child. Azhar Siddique, advocate of the High Court, says that it is about time these laws were changed. In fact, he says, this change should have been brought about three or four decades ago. Formed in 1890, Pakistan is still following the Guardian and Ward Act, with its Section 12 still outlining a conservative and harmful manner in which the child’s custody should be dealt with.
Azhar Siddique says that though amendments should have happened, these are not the only issue at hand. “The last amendment made was in 2008, but those are minor changes, not resulting too much. ADRs are what we need and those can probably solve a lot of hassle at an early stage of the separation or divorce.” Alternative Dispute Resolutions are what the lawyer means and these aim at solving the family dispute outside the court. In this case the children of the split couple do not have to undergo unnecessary duress and emotional problems by visiting court at every hearing, and by being estranged from their parents through no fault of theirs.
Siddique is also inclined to having houses run by the state to ensure that the child is safe, however this may be met with some skepticism, seeing that state run homes are not in the best of conditions. But Siddique says that the traumatized children often take recourse to drugs and crime. Mubashir Pasha, one of those who have not seen his son for almost three years now, says that his wife just illegally left with the child one fine day and till now he has not seen him even once. “She filed incorrect accusations against me so I would be deprived of my own son and 115 hearings later there is still no sign of seeing him. Right after the divorce, she did not send him to school for about two months, and she has been very careless about the child’s spinal problem,” he says.
Irfan Mehmood Malik is also yearning to meet his son and daughter who are now with his ex-wife, the daughter of ex-PML-Q MPA Malik Ahad.
“I won’t stop my protests,” he says. “But I am very sure that the stronger party will keep winning only because of its influences.”
“I have been longing to contact my children for three and a half years now,” he says. For him, his children might as well have vanished into thin air. “Whatever problems my ex wife may have had with me, why let the children suffer?” he asks. As the sky grows darker and the light of the candles glow dimly, hope also flickers dangerously low among the protesting parents. But only the love for their children, has kept them gathering every Saturday if only to remember what their children were like.
