This last week was particularly traumatic for a cynic such as myself. The average person would most likely be celebrating an ungrateful Pakistans shocking win over gracious hosts Sri Lanka. Then there would be those who would be, in sympathy or contempt, bickering over the Peoples departure from the Punjab cabinet. Environmental geeks and other girls will no doubt be preoccupied by the freak decent of ice into their hitherto green and grey asphalt jungle. And still others may be horrified by the petrol riots in Karachi. But for cynics like us (there are a lot of us in the news industry), this past week has been one big moment of truth. And thats a very bad thing, if youre in the business of selling lies.
Raymond Davis, who up until last week, was the talk of the town and the highlight of cocktail parties from Lasbela to Loralai, has been locked up and all but forgotten. His cause has not been helped by the capture of Mark de Haven for overstaying his visa. It seems the public too has become wary of the foreigner-ko-phansi-do shenanigans of the mullahs and have sent Raymond and Co on the way of the Macarena. Now unless his PR team can fix things, Raymond and the intelligence community in Pakistan may soon be characters on another episode of Nat Geos Jailed Abroad. But theres no surrender in Washingtons man from Multan, who has been on both the warpath and the campaign trail, trying to enunciate his way out of yet another messy international incident. But so far, no cigar.
The Punjab Astabal is fast becoming the premier derby of Pakistan, with horses and loyalties being traded, short-changed, hedged and matured faster than you can say Defection clause. Dr Tahir Ali Javed, who sounds like a professor of strategic relationship management at the University of Lotalogy, has been a thorn in the side of PPP stable boy Raja Riaz. After days of accusations, counter accusations, libel and defamation, it was discovered that Raja Sahib was busy trying to bolt his stable doors while the lotas slipped out the bathroom window. One might say that the real culprit would be the person who left the bathroom window ajar, but that would mean opening up a whole new can of worms. You see, while the 18th Amendment banged the door on all things undemocratic for ever and ever, it came with a certain amount of fine print, which is legal maneuvering par excellence.
The beauty of the legal system is that you cant be held accountable for an act which became a criminal offence after you committed it. This also lends indemnity to sitting parliamentarians, who were voted in back in February of 2008, and could not be punished under the newly-introduced 18th Amendment. This turn of events supplies us with one of the great ironies of life in Pakistan: while the PML(N) was one of the staunchest supporters of the Defection Clause at the time the 18th Amendment was being hatched, it is also the first party to blatantly take advantage of the immunity from said clause that is enjoyed by current parliamentarians. But dont think for one second that the Noon League feels guilty about stealing members from the After Noon League. In fact, Super Sharif the elder called it a homecoming for those who had been kidnapped by the Big Bad Wolf of Gujrat and other fairytale creatures.
But the homecoming king this past week had to be Babar Awan Pehelwan, whose Lotay nu Maula na marey te Lota nahin marda routine was just the impetus the Noon League needed to shed all their dead weight. Be it entering an arena on the shoulders of Jiyalas or riding into battle (read press conference) with knights Raja and Qaira at his side, or sitting down for a nice session of tea and dirty poetry at the press club, Don Quixote Awan is the man. Coming soon to a TV near you.
The writer is a broadcast journalist.
