LOS ANGELES – The premise of just about every romantic comedy is that opposites attract. From Roman Holiday (princess meets lowly reporter) to Annie Hall (neurotic Jew meets space cadet shiksa) to Harold and Maude (young meets old) to Pretty Woman (businessman meets prostitute) to Beauty and the Beast (beauty meets beast) to Love, Actually (prime minister meets housekeeper) to The Proposal (boss meets assistant), the presumption is that the most passionate love stories involve polar opposites. But the real lives of celebrities, not to mention social science research, show that it’s just not true.
Tabloids have recently seized on the rumored romance between Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds, both of whom recently broke off marriages with people perceived to be in some ways their opposite. Bullock, whose public image is Hollywood’s girl next door, ditched tattooed biker husband Jesse James of Monster Garage fame, while Reynolds, a happy-go-lucky funny guy, called it off with the relatively artsy and ice-cool Scarlett Johansson. Their break-ups serve as a reminder that whatever Hollywood movies-even their own!-preach, the most successful relationships are like-meets-like.
It’s an established tenet of social psychology that similarities rather than differences-whether in attitude, personality, age, income, race, or religion-produce a lasting relationship. “Opposites tend to attract in the short term, but not in the long-term,” says Catherine Sanderson, a psychology professor at Amherst College who teaches a class on close relationships. “Over the long haul, one of the bigger predictors of success in relationships and marriages is similarity.” (A marriage between people with similar qualities is known as homogamy.)
There’s less to fight about, for one thing. People from different religious backgrounds might want to raise children in different traditions, or those from disparate economic backgrounds might clash on the importance of education. Agreement, meanwhile-whether on movies, restaurants, religion, or favorite romantic comedies-produces positive emotions and more fruitful relationships.
Not only is like attracted to like, like becomes more like like over time.
There are plenty of examples of functioning “opposite” relationships, such as that between Hollywood celebrities. Even if two stars have reputations that would categorize them as opposites-Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, say, or Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore-they’ve got plenty in common to fall back on: money, attractiveness, fame, extroversion, and liberal political views.
Yet the “opposites attract” myth persists-and it has consequences. When asked, most people say they’re attracted to people unlike them, even though they overwhelmingly pick mates with similar qualities.
