Want as little screen time as possible in this uniform: Brendon McCullum


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Captain of the faltering PSL team Lahore Qalandars, Brendon McCullum, has revealed that the reason behind his team’s dismal performance is that none of the players want to spend any more time than contractually necessary in their neon green kits.

“This is pretty much a unanimous decision. We discussed it and everybody agreed that our uniforms are hideous and we want to spend as little time in them as possible” he said in a press conference after the team lost their fifth match on the trot.

“I just . . . green? Really? Was there absolutely no other option? I look like a Mountain Dew can in this” McCullum said while shaking his head.

It is worth noticing that fashion journalists have boycotted the Lahore team, and have refused to give their uniforms any coverage at all citing crimes against fashion.

The Dependent’s beat reporter on fashion also refused to file any reports in this regard, emphatically telling this paper’s editor “Don’t roll your eyes at me Mr Editor, fashion is important.”

Meanwhile, Lahore Qalandar’s player Sunil Narine said that he was seriously considering shooting himself in the foot to stay on the bench, but decided against it because the practive kit he would have to wear on the bench was even uglier.

“Have you ever seen our practice kit? Exactly. It’s so ugly, it doesn’t appear in photographs” he told The Dependent.

However, there was some support for the kit, as Qalandar’s batsman Umar Akmal jumped to the defence of the bright coloured kit.

“Oh no. I’m not playing badly because I don’t like the kit, in fact I love it. It goes with my shoes. I just play like this because I have a problem and don’t know what to do with myself” he told The Dependent.